


Forgiveness

by Quinnoid



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Character Deaths Mentioned, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I took the prompt so literally folks, low charisma comfort is my favorite type of comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26889118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnoid/pseuds/Quinnoid
Summary: Forgiving yourself can be very difficult indeed. Especially if you indirectly killed two of your best friends.
Relationships: Azu & Zolf Smith
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Azu Week 2020





	Forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Azu Week Day 5: Lost / Found (Letting Go / Holding On)
> 
> I Am Sorry Folks. I've been really fixated on "Azu deals with her Rome feelings", and it's all coming out this week.

Losing Grizzop and Sasha had ripped Azu's heart apart. Realizing she could have lost Hamid as well shredded her already raw nerves. Her newest family almost dying on Shoin’s island had been much too close for comfort. Somehow, through sheer force of will, she managed to keep it all to herself, praying to Aphrodite to guide her and help her find peace. However, Wilde reading Sasha’s letter and hearing what had happened because to them of Azu had been the last straw.

“Zolf?” Azu stood just inside the kitchen door where he was angrily preparing dinner. He grunted, but didn’t look up. “I.. need to talk to you. If you have a moment, that is. If you’re busy, I can come back later.”

Zolf looked up then, suspicious for a moment before he took in her expression and softened. “You alright?”

“No.” Azu laughed breathlessly, choking down tears. “Not really.” 

“Right.” Carefully, Zolf cleaned his knife and set it down. “What’s.. Uhm. Hm. What can I help you with?”

“You know how I said I was saving my panic for later? Back at Shoin’s?” Zolf nodded, and looked like he might have been about to say something, but Azu cut him off. “How did you do it?” Zolf froze, one eyebrow raised in confusion, and Azu backpedaled. “I mean, how did you keep going? When you lost.. When you thought you lost all your friends. How did you keep going?”

Azu began to fidget with the Heart as Zolf stayed silent for a long moment. “Look I.. okay look. When Wilde found me, I had almost gotten happy again. I was working, found my new.. religion of sorts, and I’d even gotten to meet some new people I was startin’ to like. The world was still going to hell, but I was trying to fix it. Then he told me Sasha and ‘Amid had disappeared in Rome. They were presumed dead, along with three paladins and a whole host of hostages.” Zolf took a shaky breath. “I fell apart all over again. I was supposed to protect them. I was supposed to heal Sasha and keep Hamid from getting 'imself into trouble, and I was supposed to be their leader. Wilde didn’t let me wallow in it though. The world completely fell apart and he dragged me here and told me to get myself together. That he needed me. And that was that. I had to be better, had to move on.”

“Oh.” Azu whispered. If she spoke any louder, she was certain she would break. Slowly, she sank down against the wall. Zolf sat down next to her and leaned his head back.

“They gave me projects. Kept me busy. Distracted me from the pain. And with time, I healed. I decided to keep pressing on, not because of the projects, but because I wanted to do right by them. By.. well, by Sasha really. I let her down. Even if she forgave me, I let her down. And it took me a long time to forgive myself for that. I still haven’t quite but.. I’m trying. Anyway. What’s this about?”

Azu took a shuddery breath. “I let go. He’s dead because of me.”

“Uh. Who?”

“Grizzop.” Azu’s voice broke, as did her resolve against her tears. “One of the other paladins. When we shifted out of.. Whatever plane we were in, he was holding my hand. And when we landed, they were gone. I was supposed to be stronger, I was- I should’ve held on.”

“Oh.  _ Oh. _ I’m uh, I’m sorry Azu.”

“He died saving Sasha because I let go. How do I forgive myself for that?” She sniffled and clutched the Heart as tightly as she dared. “How do I move on?”

“You’ve gotta forgive yourself. You gotta let the guilt go.” Azu flinched. “Aw hell, I don’t mean- Right, poor word choice, but you get my point. Figure that out and eventually, you’ll start to feel better. And seriously. Projects are important. Uh, romance novels are pretty good. Just, anything to distract your mind, let it sort itself on its own. And uh, praying I think. Talk to Aphrodite.”

Azu pulled her legs to her chest. “She hasn’t been able to help me much either.”

“Right, well she will. You just gotta give it time. Time to heal, time to move on. But we’ll be here. Me, and Hamid, and Wilde, and maybe even Cel if they stick around. If you need to talk, or just want a hug or whatever, I’m here, and I think they’ll all give you that too.”

Azu sniffled again. Zolf held out one arm, and she leaned into the hug, melting into it as she cried. It didn’t make all the hurt go away, of course it didn’t, but for the first time in weeks, she did start to feel a little better. Silently, she mouthed a thank you to Aphrodite.

**Author's Note:**

> Woof. Alright. A mostly happy one on Saturday (that I'm incredibly excited for!), I promise.


End file.
